Pauley Shore

Pauley Shore got famous largely for his show Totally Pauley on MTV, where he played a sort of an "aw shucks, dude" slacker that was either half-stoned or half-witted or both.

Unfortunately a series of dumb, slow films about a dumb, slow 'dude' are just dumb and slow..

You can take your pick of these, the only ones I saw were Jury Duty and Son-in-Law, both terrible.. I was only able to watch 15 minutes of In the Army Now..

Pauley is living proof that we should NOT let MTV choose our film stars. Including tv, he has 48 titles to his acting credits at IMDB (!) Life never ceases to amaze..

Eddie Murphy

You can almost take your pick of Eddie Murphy films, there are many that belong here..

I'm going to nominate GOLDEN CHILD as perhaps his worst.. COMING to AMERICA was another.. and of course, all the films where he tries to play everyone, such as THE KLUMPS..

BEVERLY HILLS COP was about as slow as watching asphalt dry in winter, and yet it was a big hit. It wasn't a good comedy, nor a good police action film - and it couldn't decide which one to be.

DR. DOOLITTLE was also terrible - a bad remake of a bad original? who does that?

The only Eddie Murphy film I'd recommend as 'good' is TRADING PLACES, and he wasn't very funny in it, he just got some good lines, like "They're screaming 'sell! sell!', else I can't afford to get the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip!"

Murphy was so bad as a standup comic, that in the Showtime Comedy Laff-off, or whatever they called it, he came in LAST in the fan voting! Nuff Said!

Caligula

Bob Guccione, Tinto Brass, Giancarlo Liu, 1979 (1*)
One would think that filming the story of a Roman emperor more decadent than all the rest would at least make for interesting viewing, but.. This film was so bad that it took three directors to achieve it, including the founder of Penthouse magazine, Bob Guccione. I believe this film caused the invention of the Vomitorium.

I was fooled into seeing this in the theater by the cast, which starred Malcolm McDowell, Peter O'Toole, John Gielgud, and Helen Mirren. In spite of the nudity and sex, none of them has been in a more unwatchable film. And they made a "four-disc imperial edition"? Good grief.. you have to be kidding.

I also found the PBS series I, Claudius to be unwatchable - perhaps I'm baised against films about imperialistic, republican forms of government that sends their armies into any other nations they can reach, claiming to bring a higher standard of living and democracy to peasants, and to allow religious freedom.

Edge of Darkness

Thomas Craven, 2010 (2*)
Does the world really need another Mel Gibson revenge movie? After his daughter is murdered, Mel vows revenge on those responsible. I believe this plot has been filmed about two thousand times before, at least a dozen times by Mel. This was also the plot of the overblown Braveheart, and the original Mad Max film that made him a star to begin with.

Personally, he can't do it any better than in George Miller's exciting The Road Warrior (aka Mad Max 2), which killed three stunt men and required a nursing team of 30 in the crew. That film at least had a dog in a bandana, the Feral Kid, the Lord of the Humungus, Wez, the Toadie, the Gyro Captain, and Warrior Woman, plus psychotic killers in mohawks, buttless chaps, and shoulder pads.

Rocky 2 - N

One Rocky was more than enough.. I just have one question: Is Stallone gay? ("Not that there's anything wrong with that" - Seinfeld). Whenever I hear this grating music, "I reach for my gun" (to quote Goebbels). If Stallone milked this one film idea any more, he'd have to learn how to make cheese.

Spaceballs

Mel Brooks, 1987 (1*)
All you really need to see are the photos of Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet, and John Candy as Barf, and you can tell this is one lame parody of Star Wars. Add to the cast Mel Brooks as Yogurt, and stalwart actors such as Dick Van Patten and Joan Rivers, and throw in some of the cheesiest special effects ever and you have perhaps the worst comedy ever attempted. Not even six year olds will find this amusing. Avoid like the plague. and no: it's not "so bad that it's good" - it's so bad that you'll wish you had the 15 minutes or so back that you waste on this before rushing off to have a root canal without novocaine to remove the memory.

There are good Mel Brooks films, though not many, as he's almost the most overrated comedy director of all time, if you go with 'batting average'. Stick with The Producers and Young Frankenstein

Films That Suck Introduction

I have two successful film blogs that discuss good movies: The World's Best Films, which is primarily lists of films, awards winners, films by genre, by country, etc.. and 1000 Dvds to See , which is reviews of individual films, concerts, miniseries that I would recommend, with the idea of coming up with a top 1000 over time.

Until now I haven't listed bad movies, or films I would NOT recommend. I created this blog in order to give myself a place to rant and vent about films I didn't like, which, unfortunately, are far more legion than those I liked.

If you worked on one of these films, or happen to like one, I apologize in advance; but as they say "this is what makes horse racing" (or the stock market, or elections), or whatever else has two sides to every selection: those who like it, those who don't.

My motto is: "there are two kinds of people in the world: those who agree with me, and stupid people"

This is meant to be humorous, so please don't take it seriously.. "as if"..

Lawrence José Sinclair, aka "The J-Man"